maze of my thoughts

Growing up with counsellor December 8, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Deepak Dhananjaya @ 9:27 am

i wonder, how it is to grow up with a counselor at home? I was thinking how it would be for my kids when i raise them. Today while gupchuping with my mother in the afternoon, a vegetable selling lady stopped by the house and signalled. My mso seamlessly walked towards the window, spoke to her, just like it were her friend… That lady passed by bidding goodbye… My mum came back…

This is one incidence i observed keenlu, but there were many such people who visited my mum.. I always thought it was because my mum wuld help them, or be godly with them… I was totally wrong, all she was being empathetic, listening and reassuring them when needed that life isnt all that bad.. And also many more times, she would just treat them as equal as she would treat any of others…

Now i feel so cool about my mum, cos for the skills she has inbuilt, i go to classes and courses ..

Now i know how it is to grow with a counsellor…. 

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Haunted!!! September 9, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Deepak Dhananjaya @ 5:28 pm

From past couple of months, I have started feeling lighter, cleansed and reaching Nirvana!! I almost started doubting my “those ” couple of months on how could I be the way I was! Feeling helpless, lost, and in hopeless state!! Its always good to see at the past and be critical about it and feel shameless about it!! These new set of months as I was feeling lighter, was also being extremely critical about my past!!! I never knew what was going to happen would hit me so badly, so badly that would make me hide within myself!

The reason for me to feel lighter, cleansed and state of reaching Nirvana, was because I indulged myself in my personal work, working with others, reflecting on my life, reflecting on other’s life, being part of body workshops, acknowledging my grieves.. so much so that it made feel that this is it!! I am so close to the beginning line of Nirvana!!!

Being in that state.. it just took a line of sentence to read and straight away fall back.. so back that made me go on a fast-rewind looking at myself ashamed of being critical about my “so called helpless state!!”.. that was just couple of seconds.. yet so powerful enough that made me reach the moments where I was feeling of helpless, lost and hopeless!! So my past still haunts me…. 

 

alarm.. alarmm… alarmmm.. 7.45.. snooze… alaarm…. I woke up.. and then realized, all these things haunt me in my dream too!!!

 

Right or Wrong! April 9, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — Deepak Dhananjaya @ 6:10 pm

I wonder where do we get our definitions of everything we know? We build a whole definition of right and wrong things about everything around us, but the question is how do we know the definition of “Right”. Most of the times, things which do not fit in our “Right” category falls by default into “Wrong” category. Is this appropriate?

 

 

New entry in my life!!! August 16, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Deepak Dhananjaya @ 3:12 pm

When somebody enters your life, it makes a lot of changes in your life… Isn’t it? Yes it does, sometimes it makes you laugh, feel hesitant, smile, doubt or even question it was the right decision to make. Well with all the questions, I welcome my new ipy to my life… Oh by “ipy” I meant, IPAD.. Yes i did get it, from my closest buddy…thank u gube… this post is dedicated to him :)…

Right now, writing this on my ipy!

 

Indifference!! August 1, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Deepak Dhananjaya @ 6:19 pm
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Indifference : Meaning:.. “Lack of interest”.. Well, another way of understanding this as “Oppositve of Love”.. this word has been bothering me quite a lot and creating lot of confusions, more to do with understanding what really Love is!! If indifference is “Lack of interest”, then Love got to be “having more of interest”.. .is it all?
if its not just that, then Love got to have more than one opposites!.. well thats not convincing enough! isnt it!!
have you ever felt, that being in a relationship is just so wonderful like you have never felt this way ever before.. do u call this Love? may be not so early!!! have you ever felt the same way even after years of being in the same relationship!!! May be yeah it is Love.. but in between, there is a state which keeps creeping in, that is the state of being “Indifferent” towards the other person in relationship!! Then do we call OFF the Love? may be not.. may be yes.. well, its confusing..

Still confused.. what I understand is, while we all are in a state of indifference one time or the other.. lets accept that.. even towards the closest of the person.. may be for a minute.. so.. that doesnt mean we have no LOVE towards each other!! May be its just too much of Love to take at once.. May be being indifference makes you realize that it is different..  may be the state of indifference makes the relationship worthy of continuing?

Still trying to understand .. the feelings swing from LOVE to INDIFFERENCE to LOVE to INDIFFERENCE.. infinity!!! thats relationship!

 

Denial! July 20, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Deepak Dhananjaya @ 3:16 pm
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We start our life, live our life, every moment, as if we are not going to die! thats the first thing we learn, “denial of death!”…. thats what is required for us to proceed in our life..  We start walking, running, playing, like we are never going to fall, thats the second thing that we learn to deny, “denial of hurt”… We meet people, learn from them, be with them, like we will never get apart from them, thats another thing we learn, “denial of getting apart”… We fall in love, start feeling like its never going to end.. “denial of Rejection”…  We deny to move on, with the fear, “denial of living again”… We face the death, like we never ever lived… “denial of life”…  When did we live, rather when did I live?? in denial!!
“Delay is the deadliest form of denial. “
– C. Northcote Parkinson

 

Nature’s Law – Tried breaking it ever? June 21, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Deepak Dhananjaya @ 7:00 pm
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Have you ever tried to break the nature’s law? Have u experienced how it is when you even attempt it? believe me its a going to be difficult! and all the more its going to be painful!!

Nature has evolved over years and ages.. with some logical definitions for the way it is.. be it be the sunrise.. or the way the flower blossoms.. or the child’s birth.. No matter what it happens the way it has to.. and no one can stop it.. but there are some other things which we can try tweaking.. when we try doing that.. it gets so difficult and it gets harder.. and it gets painful every time we try to exist in that tweaked situations!! Well I let u think over the situations where you have tried breaking the Nature’s law…